The Intolerant Mr. Buttars

The Iraq War was supposed to make us safer. Instead, it has driven up the number of young Muslims so overwrought with anti-American sentiment that they eventually express it through the killing of our soldiers in Iraq — or the innocent civilians on our soil. Although he’d never admit any of this, George Bush, for eight years, was probably the best recruiting tool Osama Bin Laden ever had.

That brings us to Utah State Senator Chris Buttars, who is … well … out of his fucking mind. (And, he’d tell you that’s exactly what the liberal media wants people to believe.) Buttars, in one of the funniest — that is if it weren’t so horrifying — interviews ever done for a documentary, compared members of the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender community to radical Muslims, saying they were the greatest threat to America. No one should be surprised, Buttars has been fighting for the last eight years to keep any bill with the letters “g”, “a” and “y” remotely close to each other from getting a sniff in the Utah Legislature.

I bet his pal Gayle Ruzicka at the Eagle Forum, a conservative lobby in Utah, is more than happy Buttars was able to join forces with her and save the legislature from all things gay. But really, how does Mr. Buttars find the time, especially when he has to continue his personal crusade to destroy tact, human decency, dignity and the shred of normalcy Utah somehow holds on to when viewed through the eyes of the rest of the world? I very well may be wrong about the normalcy part, actually.

I’ll never know the answer, but I bet if we ever could safely get close enough to Dick Cheney to study how that monster refuels itself, we’d find a lot of insights into the seemingly never-ending energy supply of the Intolerant Mr. Buttars. You may not remember, but Buttars has not only shown that he’s a bigot, but his comments last year on the senate floor smack of racist tendencies as well. Either way, he’s so damn proud of his eight years of holding back gay rights that he’s created this delusional, self-aggrandized view of himself as the de facto defender of the sanctity of straight, Mormon family unit. I'm just assuming the Mormon part, but it seems like a logical assumption to make.

Well, I think that’s all about to end.

I’m about as much of a weatherman as Joaquin Phoenix is a rapper, but I see Buttars’ comments getting at least a sprinkle of national exposure. And that exposure would be good. The more people are talking about this, the more light is shed on just how insane this man actually is.

I have a theory: When you’re exposed to unbridled evil, you have no choice — as a cognizant human being — to rebel against that evil, or at least have sympathy for those that are directly harmed. Why do you think so many soldiers come back from a war and suddenly go all peacenik? They’ve looked evil in the eyes — the killing of other humans being the evil in question — and have no choice but to be repulsed by it.

I hope that happens with the Buttars situation. This crisp, clear vision of insanity may finally open some less-crazy, Buttars-ish people to see the issues through the haze and maybe cause a slide to the middle on some of these issues. Those distancing themselves from crazy extremism tend to do that — act more moderate to compensate.

In the least, I think the other members of the GOP Caucus in the Utah Legislature — those who have even a fiber of shame or human decency left — will be humiliated, and start apologizing for their crazy ol’ Uncle Buttars. Maybe, and this may be wishful thinking on my part, they will express that remorse by opening up a little bit to the people at Common Ground when it comes to some of the more moderate gay rights initiatives. I’m not Buttars enough to think Utah will legalize gay marriage in the next 10 years. But, if visitation rights, or something similar, comes out of this, that would be great. And wouldn't that be the biggest slap in the face to Buttars; if he were — through his hateful comments — obliquely responsible for the advancement of gay rights in Utah.

There’s already some indication this sympathy for gay rights may happen. The Deseret News ran a story that said Utah Republicans are pushing to get new work started on versions of the Common Ground bills that they say would establish a middle ground on some of the issues. And all of that most likely sprung from the comments Buttars made.

Even if the insanity of one Chris Buttars does end up making a positive difference, some people probably still wonder if the man himself could ever reform. Well, Alan Greenspan went from being so in love with free-market capitalism that he wanted to give Adam Smith a handjob, to admitting in The Financial Times that we’re going to have to nationalize some banks to stabalize the economy.

So, Buttars, there is hope.

It sounds like Mr. Buttars is a shoe-in for Dumb Ass of the Week, but he goes above and beyond dumb ass. So far, in fact, that I feel like it would be an insult to him to bestow that honor upon him.

So, this week, it’s a tie between the chimp cartoonist and the person in Connecticut who owned the actual chimp that ripped someone’s face off.

First, the chimp cartoon was not only racist, but it was stupid. If you’re going to push the line with some good satire — fine by me. This was not good satire. Or even satire at all, really. It’s just stupid, racist bullshit. I actually can’t believe Carlos Mencia wasn’t the artist.

Second, the chimp owner: Why the fuck do you give a chimp Xanax? You can’t just medicate a wild animal into submission. I hope this might cement in people’s heads that wild animals are … how to put this? … wild fucking animals. At anytime, they are liable to do something insane and wild — hence the name — including ripping your goddamn face clean off of your head.

Lastly, a request: Enough of the Obama-Hope-Picture Effect on everything. We get it, it’s great; you’re red, beige and blue. Good for you. You’re still not the fucking President.


A different form of Buttars being Buttars. Hopefully we can get a Worst Persons repeat.