Who says the Internet is a God-less wasteland?

We now live in a world where the Pope has his own YouTube channel. I’m assuming we’re calling this PopeTube, because — as a people — we’re super fucking creative.

According to a couple of wire stories, the channel will only feature brief videos of the Pope’s daily activities. Doesn’t he just pray all the time, and occasionally mumble dogma from his balcony? Now that’s compelling video. Just some old man talking to God all day. We’d much rather watch that than a video of a panda sneezing, or a monkey pissing in it’s own mouth.

Why watch fat people break dance, when you can watch Pope Benedict do … whatever he does—light some candles, read the Bible, say Hail Marys, do Pope things? The only high-octane viral video would be him cruising the Pope Mobile around. Now that’s heart-stopping entertainment.

Despite the certain handicaps that come with providing daily videos of the Pope — no sex, drugs, rock ‘n’ roll or the like — PopeTube should be wildly popular. He has a built-in following that have done way, way crazier things than watch boring videos in the name of the Pope. They killed people. Lots of them. And didn’t have sex until marriage.

There’s enough Catholic religious guilt to make the Pope’s videos even more popular than Lightsaber Fight Kid could ever imagine. “Oh, you don’t like Pope Prayer43, huh? You didn’t embed it on your MySpace, or email it to the requisite 12 friends — like the amount of disciples, idiot — so you get to spend an eternity listening to Kajagoogoo in purgatory. That’ll teach you to not digg the Pope.” But, as a conduit to God, I’m not sure the Pope really needs the fake-importance that comes standard on any model of ‘Netelebrity.

I think the real question that needs to be asked is: What does it mean for the future of online communication when the Pope has a YouTube channel?

Some would say it’s a sign of the old establishment finally accepting the realities of this 21st Century digital world. Those people are fucking stupid. I’ll tell you what this means — complete and utter disaster.

Anytime parents take a liking to something their kids had previously staked claim to as their own, the kids have no choice but to emphatically renounce their once-beloved thing and mark it as OMG SOOOOO LAME!!!! Applying that universal truth to this situation, there has to be the same sort of youthful rebellion, but this time, on a much grander scale.

If youth thought it was bad when their parents and other adults started getting on MySpace and Facebook — which is something we’ll get to momentarily (or longer, depending on your ability to read) — just think of the backlash caused by a super old, super lame man with an antiquated wardrobe, having his own YouTube channel.

It’s going to get worse, though. An archbishop in charge of Vatican communications said he couldn’t rule out the possibility that they would someday have a Facebook page, too.

What the fuck are Papal status updates going to look like?

- Pope Benedict is chillin’ like a villain with the G man.

- Pope Benedict is probably going to pray before he hits the sack.

- Pope Benedict (mobile) is OMG the Jonas Brothers ROCK!!!

He’s bound to add some applications. Could you send the Pope a drink? Compare your likes? Rank the Pope as the best body of anyone in your network? Will Catholics even have to venture out to do missionary work anymore, or does suggesting the Pope as a friend serve as a suitable replacement for more traditional forms of proselytizing?

I guess the real question is, will there be a Hail Mary application for those who have already confessed their sins on their blogs?