Report: White people still not certain what Cinco de Mayo is really about

WASHINGTON — Americans will drink tequila and eat guacamole today to celebrate a holiday a new report says few Caucasians completely understand.

“Even halfway through the research, it became pretty clear that white people have little-to-no clue about the reason Mexicans celebrate Cinco de Mayo,” said Juan Tavares, president of The Mexican Coalition for Understanding — the organization that commissioned the study. “Most non-Mexicans only thought it was a festival centered either around tequila or seven-layer dip. Piñatas were also frequently mentioned.”

Many Americans who ventured an actual guess as to the celebration’s origins thought it was Mexico’s Independence Day, which is actually on September 16. But, the Cinco de Mayo holiday actually commemorates the over-matched Mexican army’s defeat of powerful French forces on May 5, 1862 in the Battle of Puebla.

In fact, the holiday is primarily celebrated in the state of Puebla and sporadically throughout the rest of the country.

“I know it has something to do with Mexico, that’s why I’m buying the three T’s — tortillas, Tecate and tequila — but that’s all I really know,” Steve Wilson said.

Wilson, a 25-year-old TV salesman at the Silver Springs Best Buy, is planning a fiesta with his girlfriend and an overwhelmingly white collection of their friends. It was unclear whether there would be a piñata, but Wilson said, for sure, he would be taking tomorrow off with a “huge ass tequila hangover.”

According to Tavares, this is a pretty typical gringo celebration of Cinco de Mayo. Most white people get together at what they call a fiesta, buy some brightly colored paper plates, wear sombreros, drink tequila — to excess — drunkenly swing at piñatas and eat chips, salsa, guacamole, he added.

Although it is the most visible sign of the gringo’s misunderstanding of Cinco de Mayo, it certainly isn’t the only one.

“I love Cinco de Mayo, but I’ve always kind of wondered why it was on May 5th every year,” Wilson said.