We always lose the ones we love

With heavy hearts and tear-filled eyes, we announce the passing of Sarah Palin’s 2012 presidential aspirations. They were brutally murdered Friday, July 3 at a news conference where Palin announced her resignation as governor of Alaska.

Born sometime during the middle of the 2008 McCain-Palin campaign, her presidential aspirations for 2012 were resilient, even at birth. Early in life, they fought through the tough situations the aspiration’s older siblings — Palin’s mouth and her lack of a basic knowledge of civics — often put them in.

Her presidential aspirations came into their own near the end of the 2008 campaign when they pushed Palin to go rogue. It was a great time for them. But, times wouldn’t stay this happy forever. They were blamed for the 2008 election-night defeat she was more than partially responsible for. Her aspirations have also sucked her into several public controversies, including a recent spat with David Letterman.

Despite their complete lack of a sense of humor, her political aspirations will be missed by Republicans and Democrats alike. Those on the right will now have to find new political eye candy, while the left may face at least a half-competent opponent in 2012.

Palin’s 2012 presidential aspirations are survived by her husband, Todd; her five children, Track, Bristol, Willow, Piper, and Trig; a book deal; the hopes and dreams of the SNL writer’s room; myriad corporate speaking gigs; a sticky copy of Who’s Nailin’ Palin; and several gallons of moose chili.